An Open Letter to Cleveland Fans that think Lebron James is Coming Back.

Dear Cleveland Fans, did they legalize heroin in Cleveland recently? Because I'm just a little confused.

No, I'm not going to start this article talking about the greatness that is The King. What I will talk about first is none other than Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Yep, the big man from Lithuania. 

This weekend the big man from Lithuania will have his jersey retired in Cleveland. I like Ilgauskas, but having your jersey retired means that you are one of the greatest players in your team's history. That does not say a whole lot about the history of the Cleveland Cavaliers. But the BIG NEWS is that Lebron "Back to Back Championships 4 MVPs in five years, best player ever" James will be attending the event and its been rumored that this may be the beginning of his return to Cleveland.

Would you go back to this?

Let me tell you why you people who regurgitate this stupidity should go back to the farm.

Lebron, is NEVER going back to Cleveland, you fans in Cleveland are a joke, how dare you burn his jersey, defame his name and the person he was and actually send death threats to his family just because he wanted to win a championship, every year since he left that endless shit stain of a team in Cleveland, he has gone to, or won the NBA championship.

So what makes you think he would come back? What are you gonna do? Sign Kevin Garnett? Or perhaps you'll bring Glen Davis or Amar'e Stoudamire to back him up? Well guess what? You don't win championships like that, and for the owner to publicly shun James the way he did is just unforgivable.

So you ask, what is James is going to do? He's going to lead you Cleveland fans on, then he's going to re-sign or sign with a real team like Miami, Los Angeles, Dallas or Chicago, why? Because those teams have this thing called "a vision for winning." 

You know what's funny? He probably would have come back just to make you Cleveland fans happy, but you had to player-hate didn't you? In all my years of watching sports, I have never seen a player come back to a former city with such inhumane treatment.

Jordan, Kobe and Duncan did not do it by themselves, and neither should Lebron, but don't worry I heard the Cleveland Browns are making some very promising offseason moves hahahahahaha, good luck with that.

Warmest Regards,

Emil Elm

Russian President Vladimir Ready To Invade Ukraine

Russian President Vladimir Putin demanded and won his Parliament's approval on Saturday for the right to invade former Russian territory Ukraine. 

Ukraine Prime Minister Arseny Yatseniuk, fled Ukraine and said that any type of military actions from Russia would most certainly lead to war. The Russian Troops have already seized the the isolated peninsula of Crimea.

Ukraine's acting president oleksandr Turchynov took to the airwaves late Saturday to warn that any Russian military intervention would lead to war and said that his country was ready to immobilize its forces to protect strategic locations, including nuclear power plants.

In Kiev, Ukraine's capital city, hundreds of Ukrainians descended on the square chanting "Glory to the heroes, Death to the occupiers."

The recent events have ravaged the country of 46 million people, and its leaders who took power in a nation on the verge of bankruptcy when Yanukovich fled Kiev last week after his police killed scores of anti-Russian protestors in Kiev. 

The crisis in Ukraine began in November when Yanukovich abandoned a free trade pact with the EU for closer ties with Russia. -EE

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The Absolute Worst SuperHero Costumes

Are they filming a scene from "Super Fun Night?"

Comic-con, comic-fest, whatever the major comic book convention is where you live, the common theme always seems to be people dressing up as their favorite superhero, as I will not delve into the psyche involved with a grown adult dressing up in tights as the 70's version of Batman I will show you some of the worst super hero costumes at these conventions, and to be honest, I don't think these people were asking for attention, I think it was a cry for help...and besides that, would you want anyone of these people to come to your rescue?

"NO-tendo"

"The Barmitzvah Baron"

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He said his mom didn't help him with his costume, we presumably take his word for it.

"Pork-a-chu, I choose you."

"I don't think he's getting anywhere in a flash!"

Super "depressed with his life" Man

"Those DVD's are like 1,035 days late from blockbuster bro."

"I didn't even have to wear a muscle suit bro, dis is ALL me!"

"I ate Batman, and there was a little room left so i ate Wonder Woman too."

"Luke, you better thank the lord, than I'm NOT your father."

"It's ADVENTURE TIME, one that starts with kicking the bejesus out of this nerd."

"Metal? Buddy the only thing you'll attract is vermin!"

"R.I.P. to all the ladies dying for my attention!"

"What D.C. Universe is this motherfucker in?"

Remember folks, you cannot climb the ladder of success in the SuperHero world dressed in the costume of utter failure. -EE

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EK SportSource: February 26th, 2014

Friends, you know I love me some damn football, but unfortunately the season is only 5 months long, and after some debate here at The Enigma Kingdom, we thought it would be best to showcase what else is going on in the world of sports and with that, I give you the newest regular feature,SportsResource, let's do this....and for a twist, let's do this video style....

How Bacon Influenced the Uniform of a Minor-League Baseball Team

The Philadelphia Phillies AAA team, the Leigh Valley Ironpigs thought of a tasty way to spice up their uniforms.

On Monday, the Ironpigs released multiple uniform styles for the upcoming season. As a matter of fact, the team's Saturday jersey will feature just the word "Pigs." The pants for this season will feature a first of its kind, wavy bacon-style stripe on both legs of the pants.




The jerseys are available for sale along with an assortment of bacon-and swine-related merchandise.

I wonder what they'll be selling at the concession stand? -EE

Lotus Produces Initial Line of Motorcycles

For fans of the movie Tron these cycles may look strangely familiar.

That's because Lotus worked with the designer of the famous Tron lightcycle from the hit film to produce a limited edition motorcycle.



Lotus has announced only 100 bikes will be produced and have yet to announce a price.

The "C-01," will be available in a range of special Lotus color schemes, and customers lucky enough to buy them can even design their own.

The bike combines ample power via a V-twin engine witha a distinctive body designed by Daniel Simon integrating carbon fiber, titanium and aerospace quality steel. 

A spokesperson for Lotus said we set out to create a bike that isn't great to ride, but also represents a piece of art in motion. -EE

An Open Letter To People Who Spent Money Or Plan to Spend Money on the New Robocop Film

Dear People who spent money or plan to spend money on the new Robocop film,

Drinking ether again huh?

I would be more excited to see a sock puppet version of Annie. I'll bet you also watched the remake of Judge Dredd and Total Recall and thought that those were totally awesome!

When you go get your psyche meds next time, make sure you tell them to either remove or lower the dosage, because if you have the mindset to be entertained by a remade version of a half-cop, half-human film you should be locked away...hell it should be considered a crime.

Yea, as soon as you show up to the theater and say one for Robocop, you should immediately be attacked by a bengal tiger.

Just the fact that I have to watch a preview during the SuperBowl for this film makes me lose a little faith in society, and because of people like you, we have to consume the feces that Hollywood drops on us yearly because of the success of stupid remakes like these.

Why don't you go antagonize a retarded hippo?

Sincerely,

Emil Elm